Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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