forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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