Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
