He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we made out on top of his cat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize