you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You are a genius and a whore.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
