I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize