you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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