Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
