Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A bitchslap is in order.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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