i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
two words: eviction party
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
