Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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