Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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