I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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