it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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