You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
so much tequila, so little girl.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
