i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
