i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
