but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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