Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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