I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
