Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
false alarm, still single
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