I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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