im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
