Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
