the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
