hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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