my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
