she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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