so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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