you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
