got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
