My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize