You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
