omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
