this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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