You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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