Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize