my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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