Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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