this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
