please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
