Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
