i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
