i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
