Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
