My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize