It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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