She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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