just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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