this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is wine microwaveable?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
