I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
