he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
