i don't want you to think of me as your TA
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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