Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
