i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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