Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is Oprah even human
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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