what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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