It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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