careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize