i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
