We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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