some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
