I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
