ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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