i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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