just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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