Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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