i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
