it hurts more in the daytime
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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