So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
