I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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